Uncategorized

UPBlocked

by Veronica Garcia

Okay, so here’s the deal: Cole Sprouse blocked me on Instagram. It has been about a month since I realized this and I think about it at least thrice a week (wouldn’t you?).

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I know showing that I’m blocked through pictures is a bit difficult, but you’re going to have to trust me on this. When I’m able to visit his profile, Instagram claims that there are “no posts yet” despite there being over 700 posts. Some days I can’t even find his profile through search by typing in his username. Side note: I should start charging my phone

I feel the need to clarify that I’ve never met him, never @-ed him, and as far as I’m concerned I’ve never harassed him or any celebrity, nor do I plan to. Regardless, there must have been a reason for him to block me and, since getting an explanation from him is unlikely, here I present a list of possible explanations.

I’m boring. 

Like I said, we’ve never met. But maybe after stumbling on my page and reading my way-below-average captions he blocked me as a preventive measure. Can’t have me infiltrating his comment section with my boring contributions.

I didn’t forward that chain email that one time in 8th grade.

I knew I should’ve! Ugh.

I deleted an episode of the Suite Life from DVR before watching it.

Not gonna lie, I grew up without DVR (still don’t really get it). So, yes. this is 100% reasonable.

He’s secretly in love with me but is too PETTY to deal with his feelings.

I meaaaaaaaan. Understandable.

I stepped on a crack… now I can’t follow back!

Not that he ever followed me to begin with, but at least this is better than breaking my mother’s back!

I forgot to watch the Riverdale premiere.

I’m kicking myself for it, too. To be fair, he could have sent me a nice reminder. You think if I catch up now, I’ll redeem myself?

He was trying to block the author of the Divergent series, Veronica Roth, but got us confused.

Although blocking Veronica Roth, such a pioneering author of young adult books, seems unreasonable. PR move gone wrong? 😮

He was weirded out by, what he thought was, a Veronica Lodge impersonator

Except I’m not a Veronica Lodge impersonator. I am a real-life Veronica just trying to live life by appreciating celebrities through social media.

At least this makes the task of choosing my favorite twin easier.

Hint: my favorite twin didn’t block me on Instagram.

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